Chris MacGregor
About Author
"I am currently the Commanding Officer of The Royal Wessex Yeomanry, the UK's Armoured Reserve. I have two children, Ellie and Ben. Before I departed for a tour of Iraq, I recorded a story for them so that they could hear my voice whenever they wished. They missed me very much. Fortunately, their anxieties were soothed by their mother, Vicky. It occurred to me that if Vicky and I found it difficult, so must other parents.
"So, as I returned from an emotional tour of Iraq, I set about writing something to benefit the children and families of others. Having commanded over 100 soldiers (with over 50 children between them) in what was an intense operational tour, I noticed that the soldiers who had said goodbye properly, and sorted out their personal affairs before leaving, were much better able to work on operations without undue distraction.
"One of the better ways of preparing for what they were about to do was preparing their families for their absence. If this is true for the military community, I suggest it is also true for all businesses; soldiers are not the only fathers to leave their children behind - and all children need to understand why their fathers are leaving them.
"There was an obvious need for a children's picture book to help explain that many daddies have to go away to work, they continue to love their children whilst away and that there are tricks to make the absence easier, and that daddies do return home too! I hope that the My Daddy's Going Away book will help all those Dads and families who have to endure temporary separation from each other."
A percentage of profits from the sale of My Daddy's Going Away are being donated to the charity, Combat Stress, which works with Veterans of the British Armed Forces, and members of the Reserve Forces. (www.combatstress.org.uk)
A second book, My Mummy's Going Away, will be published in 2014.
Author link
Interview
MY DADDY'S GOING AWAY
PUBLISHED BY DOUBLEDAY CHILDREN'S BOOKS
OCTOBER 2013
While there are a number of books for adults to explain separation and how families can deal with a family member's absence, it is harder to find books about separation that are aimed at children.
During a return journey from a military stint in Iraq, Lieutenant Colonel Christopher MacGregor decided to write his own book to help his children and the children of his colleagues to better understand why fathers sometimes need to go away for work and to embed in the story coping strategies for families.
The brilliant illustrations, by Emma Yarlett, feature an alien family which makes the family in the story - and its message of absence - universal, as well as lightening the themes of the picture book.
When we spoke to MacGregor, he was surrounded by 20 tanks and armoured vehicles in the middle of a military training exercise on Salisbury Plain. He explains, "My personal experience was as a soldier in Iraq. I knew I would be separated from my family but found there was little material available to help me explain to my children why I was away and how they might feel while I was away.
"I thought about this while I was in Iraq and wrote several of the first verses for this book whilst on my way back to the UK in the back of a Hercules plane. Once I'd finished it, I realised that it would apply to any parents who need to spend time away from their children, so it is written for the children of all dads who have to go away for work."
While it's a serious subject, the child narrator's voice keeps the story light and the focus remains firmly on the child; other people need dad to do work for them but the children would rather have him putting bubbles in their bath, for example. The well-developed rhyming verse alongside the alien imagery also helps to lighten the tone and children will love the detail of alien pets, boats floating through the air and the fish constantly turning up in surprising places...
The alien images help reinforce that the idea that any family can be affected by separation. "I was very clear that I didn't want the family in the picture book to be pigeon holed, it had to be universally appealing - and I also liked the little bit of magic that a space-like environment can bring," MacGregor says. In these alien homes, strange pets play and there are wonders such as chocolate trees and goldfish hanging from the ceiling.
MacGregor originally published the book himself, having been unable to find a publisher who would take it on, although it is now published by Doubleday. "I saw the value for children because it does help families talk through the emotions, the stresses and strains, of separation," he explains. "During active service I saw that the men who had sorted things out at home could concentrate better than those who had conflict at home - and in Iraq that can mean the difference between life and death. It's the same for someone trying to close a business deal. It's easier to get on with the job in hand if you know your family understands your absence."
The story follows the process first identified by Navy spouse Kathleen Vestal-Logan, which she described as the "emotional cycle of deployment" for those in the armed services - but again, the message is universal. "As a parent you can use the emotions in the book to talk to a child in more detail about the emotions they might be feeling and a child might use the story as a prompt to describe feelings they have but might not otherwise talk about."
For children, explaining that a father has to go away is the first part of the separation process, he says. "There are so many families who don't think about doing this and the first thing a child knows that the father is going is when they see the bags packed in the hallway." Children also need to know that it's not their fault that dad has gone away, and they need help to understand how they might feel once the parent is absent.
There are also some handy coping strategies embedded in the story - crossing days off a calendar, choosing a special day to enjoy when dad returns, making gifts for dad, as well as ideas to keep children connected, like sending physical things through the post. "One thing I've seen people do is to write or draw something on a balloon, take a photo of the child holding it, and deflate and send the balloon to the person who is away who takes their own photo with the balloon," says MacGregor. "Or what I've done is to send a little bottle of sand back home - something that can mean a lot to a child because it helps them connect with dad."
A percentage of profits from the book will be given to the charity, Combat Stress, which supports soldiers affected by combat situations. HRH Prince Charles, who is the Patron of Combat Stress, also provides an introduction to the book.
